Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Hard Lessons, But Lessons All the Same

Well first, today is A's birthday!  Happy birthday, Princess.  You're ten.  It's been a decade since you made me a mommy and changed my life for the better in every, single way.

I started off being the perfect mom, but got derailed along the way.  Nobody is or can be perfect.  I hope I have not failed you.  I hope the decisions I have made have been right.  I hope you know how much I love you.

Today is A's birthday.  We are not schooling, but we are not having fun either.  We had her family party this weekend and we noticed our 12 year old golden retriever, Milhouse, was not moving too much.  By Monday, his back end had become completely paralyzed.  He had to spend the night at the vet (and we had to spend money we do not have) only to find out that they couldn't find anything out.  He has to get an MRI now for $2000.  Vets, who claim to love animals, will let your animal die if you do not have the money upfront, so while we are busy begging, borrowing, and stealing to save Milhouse's life, he is back home with us and we have become a sort of doggie nursing home.

So, A has spent her birthday so far helping me try to lift our 85 lb dog so we can try to help him move and clean him up.  She has fed him and medicated him.  We've been trying to see if we can discover a good deal on a doggie wheelchair and attempting to find the best deal on a doggie MRI.  Earlier, it looked like Milhouse was having a seizure, so A sat by his side while he twitched and convulsed.  It is not at all what I had planned for her birthday.  We were going to do school, as usual, but I was thinking of finishing early and heading to Build a Bear and to lunch if we could.  I also had had some fun lesson plans in store.

Truthfully, I am just so tired.  I slept but I feel like I didn't.  I'm hungry but I don't want to eat.  I feel dirty from cleaning up the dog.  I'm trying to be happy and concentrate on her birthday, but I am not sure how well I am pulling that off.

So far, she is not complaining.

She is learning about death and decline today.  She is learning about sickness and care taking.  Mostly, she is learning about family and what that really means.  These are the lessons that you don't get in school, but they're the lessons that matter most in life.

Dying is such a dreadful thing.  It's much worse than death.  I think we imagine dying as simply falling asleep and not waking up again.  In reality, few go out that way.  Dying can be long, even years long, of suffering and struggling.  It's one lesson we try to protect our kids from, and would rather not learn ourselves.

So, now I am off to clean myself up and try to have some birthday fun.  Kids are such a blessing.  I thank God that when things are gloomy in life that I have no choice but to keep moving and to keep smiling for my kids.  They keep me focused and on the right path.  My children are my gurus.

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